Manscaping

Sure, I do it in real life.  And I wrote about it in Sexcalation, too.

Simply put, it makes my wife more willing to go crazy with the oral.  That ought to sell a few razors or something.

Read on after the JUMP.

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An Unexpected Experiment: Months 5 & 6 - Butt Stuff

I'm going to eschew the pattern of pros/cons/etc. from previous posts and just state what's up.

In May and June, we averaged sex about three times a week.  Yes, down from the salad days of January, but still far ahead of previous years when we averaged about two or three times each month.

Now here are the highlights.  The Butt Stuff.

May

One night, the wife decided to take a shower in the evening.  I can't recall why ... but it was unusual.  She's a morning showerer.  At any rate, the kid was in bed and she just got out of the shower.

Now, we had fucked in the shower before, but spaciousness is not a quality our bathtub has.  It's always a trial of some sort.  Invariably, we grope and kiss and stroke.  She may even smoke my pole for a few.  I might go "up" on her.  Fucking, though, is a chore.  We end up in the bedroom every time.

So she took a shower at night.  She's laying in bed to cool off and I know she's naked.  Naturally, I went upstairs.  We kiss and I licked her tits.  There's something about post-shower skin ... the texture is different.  I don't quite care for the taste but everything else is fine.  Regardless, my mouth wandered further afield from her upper torso and I began to lick her cunt.

That usually goes well.  My wife always seems to like it.  I detailed in Sexcalation (Amazon/Other) how I sometimes use my fingers and how I sometimes don't.  It helps create a specific mood and reaction, particularly when it's time for insertion.

I'm licking and pulling her lips apart with my fingers.  I'm letting my copious saliva spill forth and coat her entire slit.  Then it hits me.  She just got out of the shower.

My tongue moves from her clit to her vagina.  I push on the lower part, by the perineum, and she likes the pressure.  I lick around her pussy and to her taint.  Then my tongue wags further south.  

I licked her ringpiece.

Other than an accidental drift in the dark many years before, I'd never done this.  I don't think I really need to explain why not.  But, again, she was fresh from the shower.

I couldn't help but notice that her moans were getting louder.  I put my hands on her legs, behind her knees, and pushed them up, lifting her ass off the bed.  Then I dug my tongue deep into her ass.  I'm not going to lie.  It didn't taste great.  But it didn't taste like shit, either.  So that's good.

If you've ever listened to Kevin Smith on SModcast, you've probably heard him talk about how much he likes to eat his wife's ass.  He talks about he goes at it like a pie-eating contest.  I took that to heart.

After a minute or so of hardcore licking, my arms were tiring from holding her legs up, so I let them down and pushed her left one to the side.  She took the hint and rolled over onto all fours.  Well, now it was just presented to me.

I forcefully dragged my tongue from the sides of her pussy, back up her taint and then circled her asshole again.  She moaned and her ass moved toward me.  I grabbed her cheeks and buried my face in her.  She got louder.  And louder.  And she was moving more toward me.  At this point, my cock was rock hard so I got up on my knees and slid dick into her pussy.

"Hold on," you say.  "Pussy?"

Yes.  Wait for it.

I pushed my thumb into her asshole and moved it in time to my thrusting.  From the start, she was saying things like, "Fuck me!  Yes!  Yes!"  You know.  The things that are usually reserved for the latter half of the proceedings.  Barely two or three minutes in, she came.  Hard.  

She was literally dripping wet.  So lubricated was her pussy that the slightest errant thrust caused me to squish out.  Her movements were becoming more forceful and more enticing.  I knew I wasn't going to last.

I leaned over to the bookshelf by the bed and pulled a condom over.  As I did, she grabbed my arm and said, "No.  I want you to lick my ass more and then fuck it."

Yes, ma'am.

I grabbed her cheeks and parted her browneye again.  I pushed her forward, her face mashed deep into my pillow, muffling her groans.  I swirled around and spiraled down. I smacked her ass and got up on my knees again.  She moved her hips higher and I pressed my engorged dick into her crack.  Between the wetness of her pussy and the excessive saliva from me, it slid effortlessly and deeply inside her.  

Her moan started simple and low.  It got louder and louder until I was completely inside her ass, her cheeks pressed against my pubic bone.  I grabbed her hips and pushed myself out and back again.  Slowly at first, of course, then faster.  And faster.  The viscosity of it all allowed me to plow her as though we were doing it the way nature intended.  I felt her against my balls as she rubbed her pussy and that just made me more excited.  I was slapping into her now and I could feel trails of moisture sticking against me as I pulled back each time.

Not surprisingly, my endurance was going to fail me.  Sure, I had been fucking her ass for a couple of minutes at this point, but I wanted it to keep going.  Once she got louder and came ... there was nothing for it.  I gripped her waist and pulled myself as deep and hard into her as I could.  Now I began to grunt and moan until I finally burst and poured forth my seed into a channel were it could do no harm.

I came inside her butt.

Cleanup was messy, natch.  But the experience was epic.

June

My wife has occasionally expressed a desire to get up in my butt.  I don't know why anyone would want to get up inside a man's butt, much less mine, but to each their own.  For whatever reason, I decided to indulge her one night.

Now, as I mentioned in the aforementioned Sexcalation, I've tried digitally pleasing myself in that manner a couple of times in the shower over the years.  Never really did anything for me.

So this night, she started by sucking my dick.  Wait, I need to back up.

You'll note that The Great Sexual Experiment of 2013 was inspired by her reading of Sherlock slash fiction which, naturally, includes many detailed descriptions of male member worship.  Her attention to my bits has altered accordingly.  Yes, my endurance has grown to the point that most blowjobs are seemingly interminable (a good and bad problem), but her technique has shifted and they're more enjoyable than ever.

She started with a slow tongue lapping up my shaft.  Her fingers ran along the periphery of my sack.  Her tongue raked back down from the tip and then up again. It curled around my girth and her wet lips slid over my length repeatedly.

This went on for a few minutes.

Only then did she pull my cock into her mouth.  Like I have toyed with her during cunnilingus by denying any penetration greater than my tongue, she denied me the satisfaction as long as she could and the end result was a kind of relief as my dick ran over her lips and onto her tongue within her dark confines.  My head pressed against the roof of her mouth and was constrained; pressed further into her throat until her lips reached the base of my cock and my entire prick was hidden from view.

Her saliva poured forth and she smeared it around me for a moment before withdrawing her mouth, stroking my cock and then licking my balls.  She sucked on them.  They popped from her mouth while she jerked my cock.

Then she got the bottle of KY.

We prefer the liquid.  The gel is just too gooey.

She squirted it onto her fingers and began by stroking my balls.  She smeared it toward my asshole and asked, "Are you ready?"

I nodded.

It went pretty much as I expected.  It felt icky.  There was pressure.  And ... that's about it.  She went to two fingers after a bit.  She moved them in and out.  She pressed deep.  Honestly, it did nothing for me.

Thankfully, she stroked and sucked my dick most of the time so there's that.

Near the end, she said, "This really turns me on."  I don't remember what I said.

I do remember that, once her fingers were out of me, her pussy was sopping wet and fucking her was almost difficult.  She was so slippery, my cock almost wanted to slide back out every time.  Oh, I described that above?  Yeah, same kind of thing.

For a few days after, I felt somewhat off.  Like I had to poop, but not really?  You know?  And like there was still something in my butt.  She seemed to like it, though.

And that's June.  July ... big things happened.  Or just one.  One big thing happened.

"The Red Kick" - Complete Series on Smashwords

The whole thing, previously only on Amazon, is now available on Smashwords.  CLICK HERE to get it.

Within a couple of weeks, it should filter out to Barnes & Noble, iTunes and other ebook retailers.

An Unexpected Experiment: Month 4 - The Pleasures of a Rough Fingerbanging

April, 2013
Continuing the impromptu, near-daily coitus initiated by my wife in late 2012.

We seem to be averaging six days each month of no sex.  Typically due to her period.

Highlights:

What's new ... oh.

Since she gets into bed already wet, if there's any foreplay to be done, it's about getting me to rock-hard status.  Thankfully, despite my approach to 40, this doesn't take long.  It changed about halfway through the month.

She lay in bed, stretched out and said, "Touch me."  Of course, she was wet.  I just spread it around to ease my entry.  "No," she said, "keep going."

So I started rubbing her and kissing her tits.  She groaned and thrashed against me.  I was hard shortly after that.

"Put your fingers in me."  I complied.  One finger circled her clit and drove toward her opening.  I pushed it in slowly and her body writhed.  I pushed deeper inside and she said, "More."

I withdrew and added another finger.  I pushed it in and her convulsions became more violent.  Some say there is no G-spot, but my wife has something in the place where they say it exists.  I reached my fingertips as deep as I could and touched the top/front of her insides.  With my free hand, I pushed down on her pubic area against my fingers.  She began to twitch and moan.  Moments later, she came and she got even more wet.

After the ensuing sex was done, she asked, "Why didn't you start with two or three fingers inside when I asked you?"

I thought for a second and replied, "Well, I didn't want to jump in with a fist from the start.  That would be jarring, right?"

She shook her head.  "No.  It's what I wanted."

I was a bit surprised.  I always thought that the violent "fingerbanging" as depicted in porn seemed over-the-top.  It didn't look pleasurable at all.

In fact, nine months ago on my Tumblr page, I posted the below picture with the caption, "OK, ladies.  Tell me the truth.  Is this pleasurable?"

I got no responses from women.

At any rate, she told me, "Consider it an open invitation."  Half the time we had sex for the rest of the month, I jumped in with two or three fingers and rocked her crotch.

It seemed odd at first until I compared it to the occasional rough jerking off I like to give myself.  Same thing, right?

Pros:

(I'm considering dropping the "Pros" / "Cons" thing because it's the same each month now.  I've plateaued, apparently.)

Frequency.  Still.

Endurance.  Yeah.

Cons:

Condoms.  They're expensive.  Just got a box of "thin sensitive, ribbed."  Her pleasure and all.

Still the sound.  See March's entry.

Still out of shape.  I've started walking around the halls of my workplace early in the morning before anyone else arrives.  I'm going about a mile or so every day.  No real results yet.

Neither a pro or con:

Masturbation: four times.  Three of those times were to the film Suicide Girls: UK

Yep.

Conclusion thus far:

Life is still pretty sweet.

An Unexpected Experiment: Month 3 - SPLORTCH

March, 2013
Continuing the impromptu near-daily coitus initiated by my wife in late 2012.

Better than February, we only missed about six days in total this month.

Highlights:

Oral foreplay is still at a minimum.  I get the occasional brief BJ just to bring me to full attention when needed.  I used to miss going down on her, but frankly, I'm OK with the quickness now.

What's new?  Well, positions are still rather basic.  I know she wants it rough if she jumps onto the bed on all fours.  Missionary is a fave just because I like grabbing her tits and occasionally pulling her legs out to one side or up or wherever.

Oh, yeah.  The sound.  This is fairly new.

Much like I have developed preternatural endurance to deal with our increased activities, I believe my wife has also developed something.  Exceptional wetness.  I mean, dripping.  She was plenty wet before.  Let me revise that ... prior to last December, there would have to be some foreplay, some romancing; perhaps some KY Warming Liquid if she wanted a quick one.  Since December, if we're going upstairs, she's already at least somewhat wet.  A few kisses and strokes and she's good.  Nowadays she's deluged.

What's the downside?  The sound.

Are you familiar with Don Martin and his comics years ago for MAD magazine?  He was fond of creating awesome sound effects.  I seem to recall that one of them involved boots in a mud pit and it went something like, "SPLORTCH."  Now imagine that sound repeating over and over again with each thrust.  Loudly.

The feeling is even more bizarre.  Especially when she cums.  There's a gush of additional fluid and I can feel it bubbling along the base and shaft of my cock.

No wonder she feels parched after we're done.

Pros:

Frequency.  Obvs.

Endurance.  There are occasions when this traipses over into a "con" simply because I develop a cramp or something and I'm nowhere near climaxing.  My wife has no problem with my endurance as she's still averaging about three orgasms each time.

Cons:

Condoms.  My big variety pack is nearly gone.  I'm stuck using the "flavored" condoms now.  So we get the pleasant smell of latex and bananas afterward.  Sometimes cherry.

The sound.  See above.

I'm out of shape.  Seriously.  I'm not a fat guy but I'm not svelte like I used to be.  My shape isn't what's bugging me, though.  It's the fact that I'm regularly cramping up and even pulling muscles when we have "relations."  I have to change positions, I'm sore the next day, ... When it comes to exercise, I'm going to have to do more than just fuck my wife.

Neither a pro or con:

Masturbation?  I think I may have done so only once.  Insane.

Conclusion thus far:

Still good.  If a married man of fourteen years' complaints about his sex life involve smelly condoms and pulling muscles because I'm getting laid so much and for so long, I think I've got it good.

An Unexpected Experiment: Month 2 - Grunting Doggystyle

February, 2013

Started off pretty rough.  Ten days without in the first couple of weeks.  Mostly, this was because of illness.  Our son brought something home from the petri dish (aka "school") and we passed it back and forth for almost two weeks.  A few more days were missed because of Aunt Flo.

Only one day missed because one of us just didn't want to or feel like it.  OK, it was her.  Long day at work.

Highlights:

She continues to enjoy me spunking on her ass or belly.  I only do it once or twice a week.  I have no desire to give my son a sibling.  Once she even "pushed over the edge" into an orgasm because of it.  I asked if that really tipped her over and she said it did.  She was just as surprised as I was.

Rear entry (aka "doggy") seemed to be her favorite position.  She likes it when I lean forward, my weight pushing her into the mattress.  She also enjoys it when I press down on her lower back, thus raising my own hips up.  Apparently, my thrusting hits a good place for her and she likes being pushed down.  That's what she told me.  After one vigorous session, I was worried that I had hurt her for I had been pressing and pushing on her back so.  Exhausted, she said she was fine.  She enjoyed it.

My favorite occasion may be a different "doggy style" evening.  It started off as most do, with me grabbing her hips and pulling her onto me.  Then I grabbed her ass, grabbed her waist ... changed my angle of thrust.  And so on.  When I was ready to cum, though, I reached down and pulled her arms back.  I held her wrists and began to pull.  Each time I pounded into her, she grunted.  Soft at first; louder later.  Smack, smack, smack.  I found myself leaning even further back, pulling her arms far beyond what I intended.  I tried to give her some slack but I couldn't.  I was fucking her too fast and too hard.  Her grunts turned into a sustained moan as she came and I pulled her arms harder.  I was still leaned far back and my cock was entering her at a far different angle than normal.  I heard another sound but it was me this time.  I was groaning and grunting.  I sucked in sharp breaths between my teeth.  When I finally came, I pushed myself as deep into her as I could, yanked her arms back again and pursed my lips before I exhaled slowly.  Her arms flopped onto the bed and I nearly flopped onto her back.  She licked her lips and said, "You were loud.  I like that."

Pros:

Frequency.  Still.  Spotty month, sure, but far above what we averaged before.

My endurance remains.  I feared for a time that it would keep increasing to a point that I never cum again, but it seems to have plateaued.  Typically speaking, I'm able to get two or three orgasms out of her before I get mine.  That's the way it should be, as far as I'm concerned.

Quickie BJs.  Since she's still reading her Sherlock slashfic, she's wet and ready when we get upstairs.  I take some coaxing.  Not a lot, really, but still.  So, for a quick fix, she'll suck my dick a bit.  Certainly not to fruition, but I'm still getting a couple minutes of head every day or so.

Cons:

Condoms.  I haven't been snipped yet as our insurance doesn't seem to cover it.  I bought a big variety pack (ribbed, sensitive, colored, flavored, etc.) and blew through that in about three weeks or so.  Just bought another.  I used to hear jokes about guys buying condoms by the gross, but now it sounds like a good investment to me.

Our son.  He's not buying the "we're going to talk" thing.  So we distract him with TV or something else and just disappear.  He came upstairs only once during ... I heard him on the steps.  It was quiet and then I heard him go back down.  Our door was closed and locked so he took the hint.  That's good because I don't want to introduce my ten-year-old to the ol' "Sock on the Doorknob" routine.

Neither a pro or con:

I only masturbated four times the whole month.  Entirely in that opening ten-day period.

Conclusion thus far:

We're still doing great.  Outside of the bedroom, we're more romantic and affectionate and that's not a bad thing.  Even though our son scoffs.