Manscaping

Sure, I do it in real life.  And I wrote about it in Sexcalation, too.

Simply put, it makes my wife more willing to go crazy with the oral.  That ought to sell a few razors or something.

Read on after the JUMP.

22 – DEFORESTATION

You ever see the movie Orgazmo?  Funny flick. 

Being into porn, like both Kelly and I were, we heard about this comedy from the South Park guys and how it was about a Mormon who got into the porn business.  We rented it one night.  In a particular scene, Choda Boy asked the Mormon dude if he wanted to shave his balls.  Why?  Because it makes your dick look bigger.

Huh, I thought.  I didn't think much more about it at the time.

Sometime later, I was prepping for a shower and shaving my face with an electric beard trimmer.  I looked down and for whatever reason, remembered Orgazmo.  It was fairly bushy, so a little pruning seemed to be in order.  If nothing else, it'd be a novelty for Kelly when she got home later.

I trimmed things down and damn if my dick didn't look bigger.  The tricks your eyes can play.

Later that night, I showed off my new haircut.  She chuckled and looked at it for a few minutes.  Nothing happened.

I kinda liked having less hair down below.  Less itching, for one thing.  So, as the weeks went by, I'd trim a little bit more off.  I hadn't gotten all the way down to the skin yet, but I wasn't far off.

One weekend we were staying at my family's house.  We had an attic bedroom to ourselves.  Naturally, that meant fucking.

I had gotten naked and I was sprawled on the bed, waiting for her to do the same.  Instead, she curled up on the bed and decided to play with my junk.  This was a fairly frequent occurrence.  She'd tug the cock from side to side, twisting it.  She'd lift the scrote, gently rub on the nuts, maybe stroke the bald patch on the underside of the sack. 

"I don't have these.  It's fascinating," is what she always said.

Since I had been trimming the forest down, she spent a little extra time poking around.  She got to the nutsack and with one ball in hand asked, "What's it feel like to have these sucked?"

I blinked a few times.  "I don't know.  You've never sucked them."

"Well," she dropped the testicle with a slight flash of disgust on her face, "they're hairy."

I got off the bed and went over to my travel bag.  I took out the electric razor, plugged it in and flipped up the little beard trimming blade.  Standing over a trashcan and near a lamp, I carefully guided the metal teeth all around my nuts and sack, catching as much of the hair as I could.  After a few minutes, I was finished.

"There we go," and I got back in bed. 

Kelly examined the newly shorn area and pulled and tugged the balls around.  She shrugged and then began licking my sack.  I laid back on the pillow and watched her while her lips ran across my balls, dragging her tongue with it.  She licked that bald patch and began stroking my dick.  I was still fairly soft at this stage and she said she likes that.  Quickly, she took my semi-erect cock into her mouth.  In that state, she found it far easier to suck and lick all around the head and shaft at one time.  As I started to get harder, she then came about as close to deepthroating me as she ever had before, letting the head of my dick slide back on her tongue to her soft palate.  Her lips were at the base of my shaft and I began groaning pretty good.  She was stroking my balls with one hand and she withdrew my dick from her throat.

She went back to licking my balls while she stroked my cock.  A moment later, she began sucking one of my nuts into her mouth.  The sensation was bizarre, to say the least.  It certainly contained pleasure.  I'm sure of that.  But there was a tinge of pain, too.  Not an acute, "Hey! Stop that!" kind of pain, but that ever-so-slight, "Ah, ah …" type of pain.  Definitely a good kind of pain.

Whenever she took a good tug on my ball, I lurched off the pillow a little.  She noticed this fairly soon. 

"Does that hurt?"

"Only in a good way.  Believe me."

She smiled and went back to it, this time sucking on the left one.  I kept on with the heavy breathing through my teeth, the occasional body twitching and then I made with the dirty talk.  A little unexpected, to be sure.

"Oh, yes.  Suck it."

She looked up for a moment and then went back to it.  She sucked on my balls more, all while stroking my dick.  I was rock hard, and after she finished with my nutsack, she pulled the tip of my cock into her mouth.  She forcefully rolled her tongue around the rim, letting the excess spit roll out of her mouth and down my shaft.  With one free hand, she massaged that mouth lube up and down my dick.  She started sucking on my head pretty hard, and she gripped my shaft and ran her hand up and down.

"Suck it.  Suck that cock."

She didn't stop or laugh this time.  She kept going.  I'm not certain, but I think it turned her on.  She stopped with the shaft stroking for a moment, taking more than half of my length into her mouth and over her tongue.  While my dick was getting slippery again with her spit, she was rubbing my balls not unlike I massaged her tits.  It felt fantastic.

"Oh fuck.  You are an awesome cocksucker.  You could charge good money for that."

No.  I have no idea where that came from.  She had to stop for a second when I said that.  She laughed again and went back at it.

By this time, my cock was simply slathered with her mouth juices, and she was stroking from top to bottom.  Her grip was firm and her fingers were intertwined, forming a kind of basket that she ran over my shaft.  She sucked and licked the head of my dick, still stroking.  Near the end, she took one hand away from the shaft and started rubbing my balls.  Half my cock was in her mouth again when I felt that ejaculation sensation welling up inside.

"Oh shit, here it comes."

She pulled my dick out of her mouth but sucked on my ball again as I spurted jizz into her hand.  Three pulses and I was spent.  It was one of those face-tingling orgasms.  Just great stuff.

She may have liked the lack of hair on my balls, but she did say, "It's still like elbow skin."

No, I wasn't truly spent.  I cleaned up a bit and then went down on her for a while.  That's the way to do it, man.  Have her go down on you 'til you cum.  Then go down on her.  That'll give you plenty of time to recover for the actual boot-knocking.

After that kind of blowjob, there wasn't any way I was going to start growing hair again.  So I had to decide what method I would employ down there.  I tried Nair first.  I didn't shave with a regular razor on my face, so why do so on my crotch?  I got Nair.  That shit worked, but it burned and it stunk up the bathroom like you wouldn't believe.  I didn't use it more than a few times.

Then I broke down and bought a Venus ladies' razor and some "sensitive skin" shaving cream.  Now that worked like a charm.  I used it on my pubic area and even around my balls.  Yeah, it added about five to ten minutes to my showers, but it was worth it.  And the leftover lather makes for good mid-shower masturbatory lube.  I'm just sayin'.

She didn't suck on my balls every time.  As a matter of fact, she may have only sucked my balls three or four times before other people got involved.  Damn.  All of that effort.